Abbey of the Arts

Transformative Living through Contemplative & Expressive Arts

  • Welcome
    • Prayer Cycle
    • About the Abbey
    • About Christine Valters Paintner
    • About John Valters Paintner
    • About the Wisdom Council
    • Monk Manifesto
    • Join the Holy Disorder of Dancing Monks
    • Subscribe to Our Love Notes
    • Website privacy notice
  • Books
    • Breath Prayer:
      An Ancient Practice for the Everyday Sacred
    • Sacred Time:
      Embracing an Intentional Way of Life
    • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: Poems
    • Earth, Our Original Monastery:
      Cultivating Wonder and Gratitude through Intimacy with Nature
    • Dreaming of Stones: Poems
    • The Soul's Slow Ripening:
      12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred
    • The Wisdom of the Body:
      A Contemplative Journey to Wholeness for Women
    • Illuminating the Way:
      Embracing the Wisdom of Monks and Mystics
    • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
      Eight Practices for the Journey Within
    • Eyes of the Heart:
      Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice
    • The Artist's Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom
    • Desert Mothers and Fathers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings Annotated & Explained
    • Lectio Divina–The Sacred Art: Transforming Words and Images into Heart-Centered Prayer
    • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire: The Christian Practice of Praying with the Elements
    • Awakening the Creative Spirit:
      Bringing the Arts to Spiritual Direction
    • Lectio Divina: Contemplative Awakening & Awareness
  • Poetry | Art | Music
    • Music + DVD
    • Poetry by Christine Valters Paintner
    • Poetry Videos
    • Dancing Monk Icons
    • Other Art Collaborations
      • Monk in the World art series by Kristin Noelle
      • Saints & Animals art series by David Hollington
      • Sacred Time art series by Alexi Francis
      • Mary block print art series by Kreg Yingst
  • Programs
    • Lift Every Voice: Contemplative Writers of Color Book Club
    • Community Online Retreats
      • Harriet Tubman and Howard Thurman-on Being Free
      • Writing Into Bloom
        with Christine Valters Paintner
      • Revelations: The Mysticism of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe
      • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: A Weekend Retreat Online
      • The Spiral Way:
        Celtic Spirituality and the Creative Imagination
      • Sacred Balance:
        Aligning Body and Spirit Through
        Yoga and the Benedictine Way
    • Self-Study Online Spiritual Retreats
      • Creative Flourishing in the Heart of the Desert:
        An Online Retreat with St. Hildegard of Bingen
      • Dreaming of the Sea:
        A women’s discernment journey through the story of the Selkie
      • Earth, Our Original Monastery
        A Companion Retreat to the Book (SELF-STUDY)
      • Exile and Coming Home:
        An Archetypal Journey through the Scriptures
      • Eyes of the Heart:
        Photography as Contemplative Practice
        (Companion retreat to the book)
      • Journey with the Desert Mothers and Fathers
        (SELF-STUDY)
      • Honoring Saints and Ancestors:
        Online Retreat for the Season of Remembrance
      • Lectio Divina:
        The Sacred Art of Reading the World
      • A Midwinter God:
        Making a Conscious Underworld Journey (SELF-STUDY)
      • Sacred Rhythms of Sky, Sun, Sea & Stone:
        A Creative Retreat with the Elements (SELF-STUDY)
      • Sacred Seasons:
        A Yearlong Journey through the Celtic Wheel of the Year
      • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
        Eight Practices for the Journey Within
        (a companion retreat to the book)
      • The Soul's Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seekers of the Sacred (a companion retreat to the book)
      • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire
      • Watershed Moments
        in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures
      • Way of the Monk, Path of the Artist:
        A 12-Week Companion Retreat to The Artist's Rule
      • The Wisdom of the Body:
        A 10-Week Online Companion Retreat to the Book
      • The Wisdom of Mary and the Sacred Feminine
    • Live Programs: Pilgrimage & Retreats
      • Writing on the Wild Edges (Ireland)
      • Hildegard of Bingen (Germany)
      • Awakening the Creative Spirit: Experiential Education for Spiritual Directors in the Expressive Arts (Northwest)
  • Calendar
  • Reflections
  • Contact

Monk in the World Guest Post Series

Monk in the World Guest Post: Michelle Kobriger

I am delighted to share another beautiful submission to the Monk in the World guest post series from the community. Read on for Michelle Kobriger's reflection, "A Reluctant Pilgrim."

On Sunday mornings, I look forward to the Abbey of the Arts weekly email and its serendipitous bits of wisdom. Last October’s post describing the spiritual practice of peregrinatio was exceptionally timely— days earlier I’d been diagnosed with endometrial cancer.

Peregrinatio is a pilgrimage made for the love of God with no set destination. Celtic monks set out alone in small boats called coracles. Without rudder or oar, the monks trusted the wisdom in the water to carry them to the place of their resurrection.

I don’t have the courage or conviction of the monks who willingly climbed into their little boats. I like maps and plans. Nevertheless there I was in roiling water, stripped of all illusion of control. Waves of fear rocked my fragile craft as it lurched toward uncertain destinations, but I had to trust a greater force was guiding my journey.

In Celtic lore, dolphins bring healing and rebirth. The night after my diagnosis, two of them came to me in dream: I sat on a boat launch beside a lake, and one wriggled up the concrete ramp to lie beside me. Stroking its sleek grey skin, I was filled with a sense of peace. The other dolphin stayed in the lake just beyond the launch. Swimming patiently. Waiting. For me? I’m never keen to jump into an unknown body of water.

I used to wonder how people persevered in the face of a frightening diagnosis. I learned that when you feel the most alone and afraid in your little boat, helpful creatures pop up from the murky water to swim beside you. They’ll nudge your boat to keep it off the rocks, maybe push you along when the current slows — another way to say people showed up with homemade casseroles and soup. Some sent cards, brought flowers, or sent gifts. They phoned, texted, and emailed assurances of their love and prayers. I relaxed into the current of grace they made; a current strong enough to carry me through medical tests and consultations with new doctors, move me through days of waiting for the next appointment, procedure, or test result with more equanimity than I possess.

Ten days after a hysterectomy, I thought I’d arrived at the place of resurrection: the pathology report was completely normal! I was cancer free, but my journey in the coracle was just beginning. Two days later, my digestive system shutdown like someone flipped its “off” switch. Emergency Room staff diagnosed a post-surgical, small-bowel obstruction. It was a miserable five-day hospital stay: IV fluids, an NG tube siphoning my stomach and nothing to eat or drink. With boatloads of prayer and patience, my digestive system finally rebooted.

Back home, there was culture shock over the mismatch between the food in our house and my newly-prescribed low-fiber diet. Most of the fresh, whole foods I enjoy were off the menu for awhile, but canned peaches and white bread are a big upgrade from IV’s and ice chips.

Landmarks of my old life fell away during the months of recovery. Care-givers were hired for the two days a week I babysat my twin grandbabies. The non-profit arts organization where I was president and a volunteer for more than a decade was closing, and an artist guild I helped to run faced an uncertain future. The journey seemed orchestrated to keep me off balance, unable to rely on old patterns and assumptions, clearing the way for new life to emerge.

There was plenty of time to recuperate and I didn’t mind so much; resting in winter while the trees were bare and the gardens slept beneath a blanket of snow. Then daffodils bloomed and goldfinches sported their yellow summer garb. I grew frustrated and annoyed with my lack of stamina and persistent symptoms of malaise, but as every traveler should know; frustration, impatience, and anger never hasten the journey. Best to take a deep breath, surrender to the pace, and find something to appreciate.

I try to appreciate my body — scarred, road weary, and missing a few not absolutely essential parts — it held cancer at bay, ran a rigorous medical gauntlet, and still gets me where I need to go. Doctors prescribed “extreme self-care” for my recovery. According to folk-lore, dolphins come to teach lessons of self-love — lessons I need to embrace.

While scanning the horizon for my island of resurrection, I ponder radical questions: If I loved myself, what would I do right now? Can I nourish and support my body with love and compassion rather than resenting it for its frailty? Where do I lack appropriate boundaries? And — How do I resurrect my creative practice from a tomb of neglect — buried under the weight of everyone’s needs but my own?

Perhaps resurrection springs from the place where my needs intersect with the needs of others; the crossroads of service and deepest joy. The point of authentic “sacred yes.”

In this new, ever-shifting landscape, I have a clean slate upon which to reinvent my creative life. I listen for guidance in the songs of birds, the breath of wind in the trees, and the words of loved ones. I seek inspiration from the fresh blooms in my garden. I challenge myself to practice less doing, more being. And I picture a pair of dolphins swimming nearby, chattering cheerful reminders: “Breathe. Embrace joy!”


Michelle Kobriger is a metalsmith and mixed-media artist. At her home in Waukesha, Wisconsin,  cooking, gardening, and homemaking offer constant opportunity for creative expression in the spirit of Oscar Wilde’s words: “Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.”
«
»

Leave a Comment August 29, 2018

Upcoming Programs

  • Writing Into Bloom with Christine Valters Paintner
    • May 1, 2021
  • Revelations: The Mysticism of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe
    • May 13, 2021
  • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: A Weekend Retreat Online
    • May 15, 2021 - May 16, 2021
  • View All Upcoming Programs

Recent Reflections

  • Monk in the World Guest Post: Reverend Deb Goldman
  • A mini-poetry reading from Christine plus other publishing news
  • St. Kevin Holds Open His Hand and Radical Hospitality ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess
  • Monk in the World Guest Post: Greta Kopec
  • Monk in the World Podcast + Harriet Tubman Mysticism ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess

Connect with the Abbey

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
JOIN THE HOLY DISORDER OF DANCING MONKS
SIGN UP FOR UPDATES
DONATE TO SUPPORT OUR MINISTRY

Copyright © 2021 BY ABBEY OF THE ARTS · WEBSITE PRIVACY NOTICE

Copyright © 2021 · Flourish Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in