I am delighted to share another beautiful submission to the Monk in the World guest post series from the community. Read on for Wisdom Council member Polly Paton-Brown’s reflection“I wanna be where my feet are.”
November 6th 2024 was a misty day in the part of the UK where I live. As I walked my dogs, everything in the landscape felt muted and still. I was so aware of my many friends in the US who were waking up to a changed reality. The fear and distress of so many came rolling off the internet in waves. As I walked a song by Porter’s Gate kept going through my mind. “I wanna be where my feet are. The ground below me, is how you hold me.”
In the seven months that have followed that day, months where the world has changed in shocking and terrifying ways for so many, the words of that song have been my heart’s cry and my deepest prayer.
‘I wanna be where my feet are.’
It sounds so simple. But as the months went on, I began to realise just how often I wasn’t “where my feet were”. Not because I didn’t love where I live or because I was trying to escape from life circumstances. I live in a beautiful part of the world, have a beloved partner, a delightful home where we live surrounded by our menagerie of animals and huge rambling garden. It was easy to fall into the trap of looking for a problem. Perhaps some flaw in my lifestyle that was preventing me from really being present in the way I wanted. Perhaps it was the fact I am neurodiverse and the ADHD and sensory processing disorder were the problem. Or maybe it was because of my chronic health issues and the daily dance with pain and fatigue. I am sure that all of those issues do have an impact. But they weren’t really the issue. In fact, the problem was difficult to detect because it was actually a source of great blessing in my life.
The internet.
I know, I know. I can hear you chuckling at the irony of me writing about this in a piece that will be shared on-line! For so many of us, the internet has been such a source of blessing. Here in the Abbey of the Arts we have a wonderful community. Our on-line retreats are soul nourishing and take us further on our faith journey. Over the years I have had the privilege of walking with so many of you, witnessing the transformation that happens when we come together. In my own life, the internet has enabled me to take part in courses and offerings with other artists and spiritual seekers from all around the globe, forming real and precious relationships with so many of them. But this very thing that has blessed me immeasurably has also been the reason that I, and I suspect many of you, find it difficult to be “where our feet are”.
Everyday, every hour, every minute, images and information pour out of our screens. The reality of climate collapse accompanies our coffee time, confronts us as we send messages to friends and bombards us as we seek connection with like minded souls. We know instantly when there is a terrifying storm in Florida, forest fires in California, catastrophic floods in India. The truth about what is happening all over the planet is overwhelming. In the end we feel powerless and burned out and become paralysed or sick from demands that overstretch us.
Things came to a head for me a few months ago. I was pondering the story of the rich young ruler who asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbour?” The question was turning over in my mind as I drove to the farm where I keep my horses. On the way I passed various corpses of animals killed on the road. Several pheasants, a badger, a rabbit and two squirrels. “They are your neighbours,” a voice whispered in my heart. Suddenly the big picture, the global picture faded and I became aware of what was happening in my own neighbourhood. When a local farmer cut down over a hundred trees during nesting season to make it easier to repair his fencing, my thoughts went to the birds who wouldn’t have young that year, the pollinators bereft of blossom and the insects, birds and mammals who would go hungry for lack of berries and fruit. “They are your neighbours.”
As I struggled to find the time to connect with this local community of other-than-humans neighbours, I came across someone called Gideon Heugh on Substack. Heugh writes a lot about the dangers of living in a technological world. His words “I’m not anti-tech, but I am hawkishly opposed to anything that makes us less alive. And what is aliveness? Presence. Relationship. Community. Connection: connection to each other, to the wider living world, to our deepest selves—and to something greater than our selves,” landed in a tender part of me. I realised that to truly be where my feet were I had to spend less time being a global citizen and invest my time locally. Taking social media off my phone, I started walking rather than scrolling and began to find out who lived in my neighbourhood. Rather than seeing the birds on our bird feeder as just different species, I started to observe them as individuals. I researched what foods they liked, where and how they nested, starting a creative project where I placed images of the different species on cards and wrote all the information I was learning on the back. But most of all I began to ask them, “What do you need? How can I serve you.” What I have realised is that they are noticing the shift. That might sound a bit crazy but it is true. The willow warblers stay on the bird feeder whilst I sit nearby rather than flying off in a mad flutter of wings. Jackdaws land on the shed roof near the labyrinth and chatter at me as I walk. Squirrel makes eye contact whilst gorging on the peanuts I put out for him and the birds. And suddenly, I know I belong. Not just to the huge and global. But right here, right now. To THIS place. This community of neighbours. Right where my feet are.
The Porter’s Gate song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx0mIxxza9I
Gideon Heugh: GideonHeugh.substack.com
Polly Paton-Brown MA UKCP worked for many years as a psychotherapist and trainer in the field of trauma. More recently, Polly’s focus has been on helping people explore their spirituality and prayer, using creativity and connection with nature. Polly has a particular passion for creating healing dolls as a portal to transformation.
Always a lover of nature, horses and creativity Polly now integrates all of these into her practice. She has trained in Nature Based Practice and Eco-pychology, Environmental Arts, Expressive Arts and Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy. She is a licenced facilitator of Chakradance, The Art of Allowing , Creative Awakenings and the Wild Soul Woman Programme.
A member of the Iona Community, Polly was coordinator of their healing ministry for 11 years and when in that role ran regular retreats on the Isle of Iona. She is also a Sister of Belle Coeur. With roots in the contemplative and monastic traditions, Polly also draws wisdom from other spiritual paths such as Druidry and Sufism. She is passionate to help those wounded by the institutional church restore their image of God and themselves.
Visit Polly’s website here. Polly writes the Wild Soul Calling Substack.
