And: The Restorative Power of Love in an Either/Or World

Community Questions from Claudia Love Mair.

Part I

1. Felicia's book And opens with her asserting that none of the things she does is a calling, and that she exists to exist, to love, and to receive love as a continuous experience in her heart, to live in and give away to others. (15) Many people, however, resonate deeply with the idea of callings from God. Do you believe something you do is a calling? How do you respond to Felicia's take on this subject?
2. On page 15 Felicia writes about the importance of knowing who you are. What does knowing who you are mean to you, and what barriers to self-awareness have you faced?
3. Felicia quotes Cynthia Bourgeault on page 20. “The energetic bandwidth in which the heart works is intimacy, the capacity to perceive things from the inside by coming into sympathetic resonance with them… The heart takes its bearings directly from the whole.” Felicia follows Bourgeault’s words by breaking down the word intimacy, “Intimacy—into me you see.” How does fostering intimacy with another, placing yourself into their story, gazing at the world through their eyes, root you deeper into love?

Part II

1. Felicia writes, “Every person on the planet has the right to exist in their own skin and to walk out their journey with the Divine in their own way without policing their path based on my agreement with their decisions or personal beliefs.” However, people can have widely varying viewpoints. When Christians have disagreed, such as when some Christians believed slavery was good, while others believed slavery was evil, both parties thought they were right. How do you reconcile with believers whose views you find harmful, or do you try to reconcile at all?
2. “Within the frame of both/and, our story and other stories weave together in the native language of be-ing, which is oneness. This is not oneness that spiritually bypasses the beauty of particularity, but one that harmoniously holds the complexity of all things in their distinct and unique specificity.” (21) Describe a time when you found both/and to be a liberating frame to hold stories you were tempted to view in only this way or only that way terms.
3. On page 45 Felicia writes, “It is imperative to know that people are wounded. They are hurting—whether we understand or agree with it. It’s imperative to know that a divide does exist. No one is saying you created the divide. It is equally imperative to own what’s ours to own. Standing in solidarity with the hurting, with the marginalized, is Christlike.” Those fighting for justice often face fatigue in their constant struggle for a more perfect union. Is it okay to pause and regroup, or even permanently opt out of the struggle, or do we fight on, no matter what the cost our personal sacrifices are?

Part III

1. “Everything about us displays the Holy Three’s brilliancy as a Master Artist and screams love and intentionality.” (65) Yet we don’t always see ourselves as lovingly and intentionally designed creations. What keeps us from holding this image of ourselves in our hearts and minds? Name a way we can begin to see ourselves as we were created to be.
2. “I stand with Love in the center, holding the hearts of my people—our anger, our frustration, our grief, our bone-weary tiredness. I hold the pain, the tears, the exhaustion. I hold our fear. I hold that place in the wounded soul that wants to strike back and seek revenge. And for a moment, with Love, I’m just letting it be: not trying to fix it, not trying to bless it or send it away, but holding it, acknowledging it, just as the Holy Three bore our grief and sickness.”( 75 ). Name a practical way we can center Love, yet hold space for the painful aspects of life, while at the same time letting them be?
3. Felicia’s powerful poem on pages 92-93 engages how we experience silence, and being silenced. How do you experience silence? How do you handle being silenced?

Part IV

1. “You see, Dear Soul, underneath the unrest and chatter, Love is doing what Love always does: steadying you, holding you, supporting you. Even when you feel off the rails and flailing about, Love is there. Dear Soul, Love is our anchor, our sounding board for truth-telling. Love is our plumb line, our bulwark, our calm in a turbulent sea.” (112) What are some ways that we can remember Love’s Abiding Power when the sea has turned our boat over and we feel like we are drowning?
2. On pages 128-129 Felicia writes about good secrets and bad secrets. “Every buried secret deepens the chasm between communal intimacy and me.” What do you think the differences are between secrets that are “healthy or dead weight”?
3. “Love has no opposite. Love is strong enough to hold all things, even your fears. Love is not afraid of your wrestle, your anger, or your disappointment. Love does not ask you to hide big mad or your questions or angst. Love is strong enough to withstand the ferocity of your heart’s desert storms. Love knows those things are invitations to your evolution and transformation.” (165) Many of us have been taught that the opposite of love is fear, or apathy. What is your experience of Love that holds all things? Will you accept Love’s on-going invitation to heal from all that ails you, and embody this Love?