Abbey of the Arts

Transformative Living through Contemplative & Expressive Arts

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  • Books
    • Breath Prayer:
      An Ancient Practice for the Everyday Sacred
    • Sacred Time:
      Embracing an Intentional Way of Life
    • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: Poems
    • Earth, Our Original Monastery:
      Cultivating Wonder and Gratitude through Intimacy with Nature
    • Dreaming of Stones: Poems
    • The Soul's Slow Ripening:
      12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred
    • The Wisdom of the Body:
      A Contemplative Journey to Wholeness for Women
    • Illuminating the Way:
      Embracing the Wisdom of Monks and Mystics
    • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
      Eight Practices for the Journey Within
    • Eyes of the Heart:
      Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice
    • The Artist's Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom
    • Desert Mothers and Fathers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings Annotated & Explained
    • Lectio Divina–The Sacred Art: Transforming Words and Images into Heart-Centered Prayer
    • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire: The Christian Practice of Praying with the Elements
    • Awakening the Creative Spirit:
      Bringing the Arts to Spiritual Direction
    • Lectio Divina: Contemplative Awakening & Awareness
  • Poetry | Art | Music
    • Music + DVD
    • Poetry by Christine Valters Paintner
    • Poetry Videos
    • Dancing Monk Icons
    • Other Art Collaborations
      • Monk in the World art series by Kristin Noelle
      • Saints & Animals art series by David Hollington
      • Sacred Time art series by Alexi Francis
      • Mary block print art series by Kreg Yingst
  • Programs
    • Lift Every Voice: Contemplative Writers of Color Book Club
    • Community Online Retreats
      • Harriet Tubman and Howard Thurman-on Being Free
      • Writing Into Bloom
        with Christine Valters Paintner
      • Revelations: The Mysticism of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe
      • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: A Weekend Retreat Online
      • The Spiral Way:
        Celtic Spirituality and the Creative Imagination
      • Sacred Balance:
        Aligning Body and Spirit Through
        Yoga and the Benedictine Way
    • Self-Study Online Spiritual Retreats
      • Creative Flourishing in the Heart of the Desert:
        An Online Retreat with St. Hildegard of Bingen
      • Dreaming of the Sea:
        A women’s discernment journey through the story of the Selkie
      • Earth, Our Original Monastery
        A Companion Retreat to the Book (SELF-STUDY)
      • Exile and Coming Home:
        An Archetypal Journey through the Scriptures
      • Eyes of the Heart:
        Photography as Contemplative Practice
        (Companion retreat to the book)
      • Journey with the Desert Mothers and Fathers
        (SELF-STUDY)
      • Honoring Saints and Ancestors:
        Online Retreat for the Season of Remembrance
      • Lectio Divina:
        The Sacred Art of Reading the World
      • A Midwinter God:
        Making a Conscious Underworld Journey (SELF-STUDY)
      • Sacred Rhythms of Sky, Sun, Sea & Stone:
        A Creative Retreat with the Elements (SELF-STUDY)
      • Sacred Seasons:
        A Yearlong Journey through the Celtic Wheel of the Year
      • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
        Eight Practices for the Journey Within
        (a companion retreat to the book)
      • The Soul's Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seekers of the Sacred (a companion retreat to the book)
      • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire
      • Watershed Moments
        in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures
      • Way of the Monk, Path of the Artist:
        A 12-Week Companion Retreat to The Artist's Rule
      • The Wisdom of the Body:
        A 10-Week Online Companion Retreat to the Book
      • The Wisdom of Mary and the Sacred Feminine
    • Live Programs: Pilgrimage & Retreats
      • Writing on the Wild Edges (Ireland)
      • Hildegard of Bingen (Germany)
      • Awakening the Creative Spirit: Experiential Education for Spiritual Directors in the Expressive Arts (Northwest)
  • Calendar
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Monastic Spirituality, Photos, Poetry

Self-Portrait

How do we live out of our most authentic selves?  The self that Thomas Merton described as the True Self, the one that was created by God and dwells in God.  He said it is like a wave in the ocean of God, or a flame in God's fire.  We are distinct from God, but also a part of the sacred presence in the world.

We live in challenging times.  Of course, I often think that life itself is challenging whenever you live it.  But these times we live with so many choices and possibilities it can be paralyzing.  At some point we need enough silence and stillness to really know who and whose we are so that we can also know where we stand in the world.  What are the things that matter most in the world to me?  When everything else is stripped away, what is the essence of who I am?  Can I even recognize the voice of my own truest and deepest self as distinct from the cacophony of voices demanding that I buy more and do more?

For the photography class I took this spring, one of our assignments was a self-portrait.  One was to be with us in it, the other without us but still expressing something of who we are.  I found this assignment challenging.  I do have a strong sense of who I am in the world, but how to express that in an image?

The image without me in it was a bit easier to create:

This is my prayer corner in our living room.  The desk to the right is an antique that has been in my father's family for probably two hundred years.  It has journeyed from Latvia to Vienna to New York City to Sacramento to Woodland to San Francisco to Berkeley and finally rests here in Seattle.  As long as I have had it it has functioned as an altar space for me, the top portion of the desk is a long space where I keep photos, images, symbols that are meaningful for me in a given time.  The photo of my mother and I has been sitting there for nearly four years since she died.  Photos of Duke and the urn with his ashes have dwelled there since last August when he died suddenly.  The other symbols shift depending on what is happening within me.

Inside the desk I keep my journal and any books I am currently reading.  The drawers hold old journals and pieces of art I don't have room to display.

The chair is fairly new and reclines back.  When I am sitting there Tune likes to jump up onto my lap and lay across me as I sit in prayer.  Sometimes my prayer is simply beholding her as a creation of God and great gift in my life.  When I am not sitting there it is still one of her favorite places.  The windows look out onto our neighborhood, we have lovely cherry trees surrounding our building and in April they form a pink spectacle.

I have spent many hours in this space and for me it represents my commitment to silence and solitude and a life grounded in prayer.  The time here helps me to see holiness in the whole of my life.

                                                                           

The self-portrait with me in it was harder to create.  I like being behind the camera rather than in front of it.  My teacher remarked on my photos that I capure a sense of intimacy with my subjects, I liked that evaluation of my style.  I think there is an intimacy to a person's eyes.  How often do we linger in a gaze, meeting the other person's eyes with our own?  It takes time to gaze at someone with love, it is not something we can rush through in the busyness of our day.

A couple of weeks ago I had another dream about finding a hidden room.  In it I open a door and discover a large room with a big walnut dining table and chairs around it set for a meal I am going to serve to friends.  The friends gather around, we drink red wine and everyone has brought a quote from one of the mystics to share.

I love dreams like this one.  I have had dreams of hidden rooms before and for me they signal an internal spaciousness and being on the verge of new discoveries.  This dream speaks to me on many levels, one of which is about the way I experience a true sense of Communion when breaking bread with others.

Since January I have been experimenting with an even more contemplative and creative way of life, one which has a lot more space for writing and art, the work I love most in the world.  After a few months of some internal wrestling with my own demons around money and what a successful life looks like,  I find myself in a place of great inner peace and joyfulness.  I recognize that these last few months I have felt closer to who I really am than ever before.  I feel as though I have just arrived at a great banquet and there is a feast being prepared.  This is where I stand.

-Christine Valters Paintner @ Abbey of the Arts

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11 Comments June 5, 2007

Upcoming Programs

  • Writing Into Bloom with Christine Valters Paintner
    • May 1, 2021
  • Revelations: The Mysticism of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe
    • May 13, 2021
  • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: A Weekend Retreat Online
    • May 15, 2021 - May 16, 2021
  • View All Upcoming Programs

Recent Reflections

  • Monk in the World Guest Post: Reverend Deb Goldman
  • A mini-poetry reading from Christine plus other publishing news
  • St. Kevin Holds Open His Hand and Radical Hospitality ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess
  • Monk in the World Guest Post: Greta Kopec
  • Monk in the World Podcast + Harriet Tubman Mysticism ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess

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