Abbey of the Arts

Transformative Living through Contemplative & Expressive Arts

  • Welcome
    • Prayer Cycle
      • Introduction to the Earth Monastery Prayer Cycle
      • Day 1 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Cathedral
      • Day 2 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Scriptures
      • Day 3 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Saints
      • Day 4 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Spiritual Directors
      • Day 5 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Icon
      • Day 6 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Sacrament
      • Day 7 Morning & Evening Prayer:
        Earth as the Original Liturgy
      • Prayer Cycle Leader Resources
    • About the Abbey
    • About Christine Valters Paintner
    • About John Valters Paintner
    • About the Wisdom Council
    • Monk Manifesto
    • Join the Holy Disorder of Dancing Monks
    • Subscribe to Our Love Notes
    • Website privacy notice
  • Books
    • Sacred Time:
      Embracing an Intentional Way of Life
    • The Wisdom of Wild Grace: Poems
    • Earth, Our Original Monastery:
      Cultivating Wonder and Gratitude through Intimacy with Nature
    • Dreaming of Stones: Poems
    • The Soul's Slow Ripening:
      12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred
    • The Wisdom of the Body:
      A Contemplative Journey to Wholeness for Women
    • Illuminating the Way:
      Embracing the Wisdom of Monks and Mystics
    • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
      Eight Practices for the Journey Within
    • Eyes of the Heart:
      Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice
    • The Artist's Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom
    • Desert Mothers and Fathers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings Annotated & Explained
    • Lectio Divina–The Sacred Art: Transforming Words and Images into Heart-Centered Prayer
    • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire: The Christian Practice of Praying with the Elements
    • Awakening the Creative Spirit:
      Bringing the Arts to Spiritual Direction
    • Lectio Divina: Contemplative Awakening & Awareness
  • Poetry | Art | Music
    • Music + DVD
    • Poetry by Christine Valters Paintner
    • Poetry Videos
    • Dancing Monk Icons
    • Other Art Collaborations
      • Monk in the World art series by Kristin Noelle
      • Saints & Animals art series by David Hollington
      • Sacred Time art series by Alexi Francis
      • Mary block print art series by Kreg Yingst
  • Programs
    • Live Programs: Pilgrimage & Retreats
      • Monk in the World (Ireland)
      • Writing on the Wild Edges (Ireland)
      • Vienna Monk in the World (Austria)
      • Hildegard of Bingen (Germany)
      • Awakening the Creative Spirit: Experiential Education for Spiritual Directors in the Expressive Arts (Northwest)
    • Community Online Retreats
      • Lift Every Voice: Contemplative Writers of Color
      • The Way of the Hermit:
        A Spiritual Survival Guide for Dark Times
        with Kayleen Asbo, PhD
      • The Spiral Way:
        Celtic Spirituality and the Creative Imagination
      • Journey with the Desert Mothers and Fathers (Lent 2021)
      • Dancing with Fear in Troubled Times
      • Novena for Times of Unraveling
      • The Two HT’s-Harriet Tubman and Howard Thurman-on Being Free
      • Writing Into Bloom
        with Christine Valters Paintner
      • Sacred Time: Embracing an Intentional Way of Life (Spring 2021)
      • Poetry and the Sacred Garden of the World:
        An Online Writing Retreat
    • Self-Study Online Spiritual Retreats
      • Creative Flourishing in the Heart of the Desert:
        An Online Retreat with St. Hildegard of Bingen
      • Dreaming of the Sea:
        A women’s discernment journey through the story of the Selkie
      • Earth, Our Original Monastery
        A Companion Retreat to the Book (SELF-STUDY)
      • Exile and Coming Home:
        An Archetypal Journey through the Scriptures
      • Eyes of the Heart:
        Photography as Contemplative Practice
        (Companion retreat to the book)
      • Honoring Saints and Ancestors:
        Online Retreat for the Season of Remembrance
      • Lectio Divina:
        The Sacred Art of Reading the World
      • A Midwinter God:
        Making a Conscious Underworld Journey
      • Sacred Rhythms of Sky, Sun, Sea & Stone:
        A Creative Retreat with the Elements (SELF-STUDY)
      • Sacred Seasons:
        A Yearlong Journey through the Celtic Wheel of the Year
      • The Soul of a Pilgrim:
        Eight Practices for the Journey Within
        (a companion retreat to the book)
      • The Soul's Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seekers of the Sacred (a companion retreat to the book)
      • Water, Wind, Earth & Fire
      • Watershed Moments
        in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures
      • Way of the Monk, Path of the Artist:
        A 12-Week Companion Retreat to The Artist's Rule
      • The Wisdom of the Body:
        A 10-Week Online Companion Retreat to the Book
      • The Wisdom of Mary and the Sacred Feminine
  • Calendar
  • Reflections
  • Contact

Creativity

Celebrating the Friendship of Women

I adore my husband and know I am blessed to count him as my closest friend.  Even with that gift in my life, I hunger for the friendship and support of other women.

My dear friend Michelle lives in Vancouver now and with me in Seattle, we have to be intentional about spending time together and nurturing our friendship. We met almost three years ago at a church young-adult Christmas party that we were both just about to leave. Somehow we got onto the subjects of Walter Brueggemann, Denise Levertov, and Mary Oliver within the first few minutes of our conversation and I was suddenly smitten.  We ended up standing there, coats in hand, staying for quite a while longer than either of us expected. We still marvel at how either one of us could have left a few minutes sooner and we might not ever have met.

What followed were outings to dance performances, meeting for tea and theology talk, dinners at Ethiopian and Italian restaurants, walks to bunny hill, hearing Mary Oliver read at Town Hall, gathering in dream groups, sharing our mutual struggles with chronic illness and self-care, challenging and supporting each other to live more deeply into our callings.

Michelle is one of those rare gifts, a friend who can see into the heart of me with ease and grace. She recently appeared in a dream of mine, and when I was working with various dream symbols contemplating what part of me they might represent, I wrote next to her name "sees who I really am."

Michelle moved back up to Vancouver last year to follow where God was leading.  We have discovered that we make great retreat partners, and so now spend time together periodically in a places of beauty and wildness.  Reconnecting, renewing, sharing wisdom and laughter.  Having soul friends is essential for my own creativity — to have a safe place to bring those seeds of new life to be gently witnessed and honored.  Friends like this can often see the shape of what is growing within us before we can ourselves.  Creativity thrives in spaces where we can be vulnerable and listen for what new thing is being birthed long before it can be named.

I am blessed with a circle of many wonderful friends. Making time to nurture these relationships is a priority in my life. Sometimes, in a moment of true clarity, I think that if all I do in my life is love as well as I can — which for me means listening, gently challenging, nurturing, and loving others into wholeness as well as allowing myself to be moved by others toward my own wholeness — then I will have fulfilled any calling that God might have for me.

Joan Chittister, in her book The Friendship of Women: The Hidden Traditions of the Bible, describes friendship as a sacrament, a gift from God to help us to become who we are meant to be: "The love of friendship is the love that holds no secrets, has no unasked questions, no unspoken thoughts, no unanswered concerns. Friendship extends us into places we have not gone before and cannot go alone."

I ran across this interesting article on a study by UCLA on friendship among women.  I especially like this opening line: "They shape who we are and who we are yet to be."  I know I have found this to be very true.   The study also shows that friendship among women lowers stress (there is a measurable chemical response) and increases longevity and joy in life.  Of course, I didn't need a study to tell me that either.  I am curious about the experience of men's friendships.

Who are the true soul friends of your life?  Is friendship a priority in your life?  How do your friends help shape who you are and who you are yet to be?

-Christine Valters Paintner

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2 Comments July 31, 2006

Upcoming Programs

The Way of the Hermit:
A Spiritual Survival Guide for Dark Times

January 22-24, 2021
with Kayleen Asbo, PhD

The Spiral Way:
Celtic Spirituality and the Creative Imagination

Hosted by the Rowe Center
February 1-21, 2021
with Christine Valters Paintner, PhD

Recent Reflections

  • Hildy Tales 3: Ní heolas go haontíos ~ by John Valters Paintner
  • Humility + Join us today for live prayer! ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess
  • Hildy Tales 2: Tús maith leath na hoibre – by John Valters Paintner
  • New Book Club for 2021: Lift Every Voice ~ A Love Note from Your Online Abbess
  • Hildy Tales One: Dia dhuit, is mise Hildy! by John Valters Paintner, Your Online Prior

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