Pondering
January 21, 2010 · by Christine
I have been feeling tired this week, unwell, my body feels tender and fatigued and so I am taking extra care of myself. My spirit is also feeling tender, in part because my body is vulnerable, but also because of the tragic events in Haiti, my mother-in-law’s gradual decline with dementia, and some much smaller personal struggles where I am being called to stand in my own strength in ways that are stretching me.
I find myself drawn back again and again to this statue I posted last week (the images below are close-ups). I am so moved by the angel and beast pondering together. One of the many amazing students in my Way of the Monk, Path of the Artist class reflected in our discussion forum this week on the root of the word “ponder” which comes from the Latin ‘pondus’ for weight. We had been talking about stones and she offered the image of pondering as holding a stone in your palm and feeling its weight. It reminded me of this excerpt of a favorite poem by my favorite poet:
Fear not the pain. Let its weight fall back
into the earth;
for heavy are the mountains, heavy the seas.
-Rainer Maria Rilke, from In Praise of Mortality
In the midst of the sadness of these days I am called to be present to the weight of my feelings and not pull back, not run and numb myself or avoid the images which break my heart. I am called to feel the grief, to embrace the sorrow. I walk in the mornings and allow each step to be a prayer, pressing myself into the earth and feel the comfort of gravity’s pull, knowing I will not be untethered even in my sadness. The sky has been clear and I can see the mountains and the sea beyond the beautiful city where I live, and I imagine the ocean as a great bowl of tears shed for all of those who have lost their lives. I see the mountains bearing witness to the heaviness our human journeys often bring.
Will you ponder alongside of me? Will you welcome in the terrible sorrow of loss and not run away?
(Photos were taken in St. Augustine Church in Vienna)
© Christine Valters Paintner at Abbey of the Arts:
Transformative Living through Contemplative & Expressive Arts
Posted in Contemplative Living, Grief | 11 Comments »
January 21st, 2010 at 2:38 pm
To welcome the terrible sorrow is, it seems, the only way to bear it. To welcome it together and walk as witness is the least we can do. If we think of it, or are reminded of doing it.
Thank you.
January 21st, 2010 at 4:37 pm
It is amazing how art moves one, and that lion seems to bear such a weight of sorrow. There is just so much feeling there.
I wrote earlier this week that we cannot allow ourselves to turn off to the images, that we must look. To turn away is to deny the Haitians hope. And so every day, I place at the bottom of each of my posts the words Remember Haiti.
Blessings and peace. Our hearts can bear more than we might imagine, even as we feel them break.
January 21st, 2010 at 6:56 pm
A tender and loving response to both the sorrow of loss and fatigue in your own body. Thank you for offering this.
January 21st, 2010 at 7:00 pm
I feel the weight of sadness too. I hope you find rest in the silence.
January 21st, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Thank you friends, your words and presence are truly a balm.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Tender story. Beautiful, strong and comforting images. Get rest and take care.
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Hi Christine, You are expressing what so many other people are feeling at this time as well. I sense a heaviness, a fatigue, a general malaise all around me right now. Maybe it is winter, maybe it is the sorrow of the earth. But I am aware, that it is a time to be particularly gentle with everyone and everything around. Including myself. I will ponder with you.
Love….
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:42 pm
stripped to very bone
let this stone carry the pain
resting in stillness
____________________
monumental loss -
with tiny stones
i’m building a cairn
January 23rd, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Thank you for these words.
January 23rd, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Jen, thanks for these beautiful shiny pebbles laid in offering at the altar of grief.
January 25th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Christine, I’m so glad you posted the images from that statue again. I printed a copy of the photo last week and have it taped to my computer at work. Both the angel and the lion seem so weary with sorrow, something I feel as well, even though I cannot fully name the sorrow. Gazing on the image reminds me that there are many others feeling similarly. Thank you for this post.