Seasons, Abundance, and Wish Lives
April 20, 2008 · by Christine
There are a lot of new things blossoming here at the Abbey. Just last week I accepted a halftime position as the Program Coordinator for the Ignatian Spirituality Center that begins later this summer. I am delighted to be a part of the mission of this organization. While I reflect a lot here on Benedictine spirituality, Ignatian spirituality has been an important part of my journey as well. I consider these to be two great streams in which I stand. I have participated in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius twice in their extended format, once at the Mercy Center in Burlingame when I was beginning my doctoral studies. The second as a discerner in the SEEL program here in Seattle, discerning whether I was called to be a spiritual director for that program. To my surprise, my discernment at that time was that it wasn’t the right season for me.
Jesuit institutions have played a significant role in my life as well, having attended a Jesuit school for both my Bachelors and Masters degrees as well as spending a year as a Jesuit Volunteer. I currently serve as an adjunct for two different Jesuit universities as well. What I have always loved about Ignatian spirituality are the commitments to social justice, discernment, and to the interior life of the imagination and feelings which is so much a part of Ignatian prayer practices. One part of this position will be developing more support for the program leaders and I am excited to reflect on what an Ignatian model of ministry leadership looks like.
Of course, taking on this commitment means that I must step back and discern which other pieces of my work I can continue and which I must let go of for the season ahead. This is not an easy task. I am someone who always has a multitude of ideas birthing within me, it is the blessing and curse of being a creative person. The blessing is the sense of abundance I experience on a daily basis. The curse is the confrontation with my own limits, the need to rest into a sense of humility, that I can’t do everything I long to do. And yet, even this “curse” has its gifts — I am reminded again and again that the God I believe in is a source of abundant possibility and so there will always be far more possibilities than I can ever live into. There is a beautiful grace I experience when I can rest in this knowledge.
So I look at all of the things I love doing: teaching for Loyola and Seattle Universities, teaching Awakening the Creative Sprit: Experiential Education for Spiritual Directors in the Arts and Imagination, art editing for the Presence journal, the joy I get from writing this blog and creating my sets of prayer cards and reflective art journals, the many other writing and art projects that call to me, my desire to begin training in spiritual direction supervision and in Bowen theory. Then there are the new possibilities that call to me, like learning how to make podcasts so I can produce some of the guided meditations I write and lead with groups, or creating some videos of my photo images along with reflections. A friend once told me that she has wish lives — several parallel lives that she would be living as an alternative to the one she is living, where she gets to do all of the wonderful things she imagines.
This weekend I spent time with a dear soul friend at my hermitage. She is one of those people I can go months without seeing and then we are able to reconnect at a deep place and share the textures of our lives and listen each other into new ways of being. I breathed deeply of the sea, I walked and listened to the rhythm of the tides, to the pulsing of my own heart.
On Saturday afternoon I was doing some journaling, trying to hold all of the possibilities before me and discern what needs to be let go of for the season ahead. Looking at my list raised my anxiety a bit and so I lay down for a nap. While sleeping I had a dream: I am in a house on stilts over the sea. There is a strong windstorm blowing and the house is being tossed back and forth, as if I were on a boat. I am walking around from room to room trying to find my balance. I open the bedroom door and my husband is laying in bed. He pulls back the covers and tells me “get in and you’ll be fine.”
When I awoke my dream made me smile. Dreams are rarely so direct, but in this instance I could physically feel my body in the dream trying to get my footing while I was being blown about. Then discovering my sweet husband, who is always a grounding presence in my life, and his invitation to lay down, to relax into what was happening. I awoke feeling a shift in my being.
What are the invitations you are tending to these days? Where do you experience a sense of abundance? Do you have any wish lives?
-Christine Valters Paintner @ Abbey of the Arts
Posted in Photos, Poetry, Creativity |
April 21st, 2008 at 1:20 am
Whew! I read through this post with increasing anxiety, thinking that with all these commitments you might be softening us up to tell us that you would not be writing this blog any more. I’m glad that isn’t the case, and I hope you find your new posting schedule manageable.
I’ll be interested to hear how you get on with your new role. Personally, I have no experience of Ignatian spirituality yet. I know a few people who have done the “exercises” and have found them less than uplifting. Perhaps it’s to do with the environment and one’s state of mind at the time. And I know little about the background of the Jesuits as an order.
However I will always have respect for the one aspect of their teaching I do know about: it was largely the Jesuits who were responsible for introducing Enneagram teaching in the West and in the (often resistant) Catholic church during the last century. The Enneagram teachers with whom I am studying are Don Riso and Russ Hudson, and Don is a former Jesuit, which is where he first came across the system upon which he was to have such a profound developmental effect.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:33 am
Thanks Tess, to be honest I am still open to letting some things go, I just realize I need to discern it somewhat organically, so am still not sure what pieces will be set aside.
I am surprised at the experience others have had with the Exercises. Both of the programs I participated in were deeply meaningful and beautifully done. Especially the program in Seattle where there is such a great degree of lay participation (no Jesuits at all!) and the creativity that goes into creating each retreat gathering is wonderful.
I am attending an Enneagram workshop this Friday actually hosted by the Ignatian SPirituality Center, it is being led by two women who have studied with Sandra Maitri.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:11 am
I was feeling the same anxiety as Tess in hoping that you weren’t softening us up for the fatal blow…..we’ll pray for your discernment - maybe with a little of our own well-being in mind:)
Your highlighted article regarding UCLA’s Study on Friendship among Women is freshly printed for my nightstand reading and your comments regarding personal friendship, I found poignant and familiar.
Part of the wish life that my spouse and I have harbored for years is to spend more time with friends and to go beyond the acquaintance stage that clergy and their families often experience. Clergy may know a great deal about a person(s) that the spouse (under the seal) is not allowed to know. It does hinder friendship development a bit…..but the good news is that although there is still a great lot of information that he holds in confidence, we have been released (through retirement) to spend time with those persons we have yearned to know better. In fact, the last 3 months have been sort of a dating, getting to know others better frenzy - great fun!
My creativity has been encouraged onward and upward, so to speak, and paper, glue, scissors and paint have also started to become regular friends of mine again.
So I am feeling God’s abundance in my life and when I waken in the night I compose brilliant poetry:):) that does NOT always survive or translate into my waking hours - but I recognize its presence and that is amazing to me.
This turned into a post - but as always, you and “the Tess” bring out the best. I’m looking forward to blogger Lucy returning this week also……another big cheerleader in my life:)!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:05 am
Thanks SS, I appreciate you being up front that your prayers might have an agenda.
It is lovely that in retirement you can now explore whole new possibilities in friendship and that your creativity is bubbling over. I love that you have shared some of your poetic responses to images here with me.
Yes, that lucy is a special one.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Christine, the depth of your path is deeper now and you continue to grow and blossom in your endeavors! A LiveJournal friend and I were chatting just the other day about the same thing — about how great it would be if we had worlds enough and time to pursue every interest we have, as much as we wanted, and not have it detract from anything else. I’ve always had the habit of putting too much on my plate — its just that I want to learn so much and do it quickly! I know you have the gift of discernment and will make the right decisions. Love and Hugs, Bette.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pm
oh, p.s. — i meant to answer your ending question. I do have many wish lives — a big one is discerning what is best for my own spiritual heart-path. Learning, and more importantly, knowing, who I really am. Not worrying what others will think of me and not letting others control me. Standing up for myself, and not giving in to the negative chatter that has held me back for so long. Courage to do what I really really need to do — what I’m suppose to be doing.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Christine! Your smile!
Right on cue, a poem
that had me grinning –
this is from the original
manuscript scribbled on
a very narrow, torn piece
of wrapping paper (ca,
1883) by Dickinson. And
it somehow seems to
include many recent
abbeyofthearts themes:
Forever honored
by the Tree
Whose Apple
Winterworn
Enticed to Break-
fast from the Sky
Two Gabriels
Yestermorn.
They registered
in Nature’s Book
As Robins — Sire
and Son –
But Angels have
that modest way
To screen them
from Renown.
~Emily Dickinson
April 21st, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Bette, thanks dear friend, I know that you are also a highly creative person and understand the longings to do everything.
I love your second response too, I can see the courageous you blossoming and all your beautiful gifts springing forth to serve the world.
kigen, thanks for your persistent thoughtfulness! I love the way you always seem to find just the right poem to respond here. I will have to sit with Emily’s words, but her images are so deep and evocative and do seem to speak to many of the themes of my heart these days.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 am
one of the few posts i have read since returning. this one continues to hang with me and your words linger with me as i try to discern “what’s next?” right now ‘rest’ seems to be the word that returns over and over again, but still there are those other dream lives begging to be released. i look forward to walking on the beach and pondering these things with you–your wish lives and mine as well as our ‘real’ lives.
congrats on the new position
!
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Thanks lucy, I am looking forward to walking and talking, dreaming and birthing with you too!